Believer to an Atheist

               I have never been a very religious person as per Indian society standards. No weekly temple visits, no weekly fasts. I come from a very liberal family where religion was never forced upon me. I imbibed whatever I experienced throughout my life.

              As a child I studied in a convent and thus my introduction to Jesus. My school campus itself was huge with a grotto and a chapel where every child could visit. The silence and the peace that you experience in a church was what drew me to Jesus. Even today if I enter a church I feel immensely at peace. Every morning prayer started with glory and praise to the Lord. Weekly there were catechism classes for Christian children and the rest were taught moral values. I always envied my christian friends as to why alone they were taught the Bible. Why were we left out ? This question often haunted me. But today when I look back I feel my school did me a favor. They helped us grow our own beliefs as a children. May be that is why Jesus and Mary still hold a special place in my heart.

            I realized the favor that my school had done was more evident a  few months ago when a neighbor who is an ardent Christian started preaching me about Christianity. She kept telling how there is only one God - ¨"Jesus" and how what we as Hindus worshiped deities were nothing but Devils or Satans to be more specific. People those who worship Satan will go to hell in your after life."  Truly speaking I am least concerned about what will happen to me after this life. I would rather think about the current one. Religion being forced or preached is appalling and revolting.

         What I had believed till now is that there is an universal force and whichever temple, church I have visited I have prayed to the same God. Be is Shiva, Parvati, Krishna, Jagannath, Ganapati, Jesus,Vaishodevi or Tirupati. To me the names never have been any specific importance.  

         Past few years have been testing times for my family. People who have children with disability would know how difficult it is to raise special children. I myself never realized and I guess few do unless one faces it. My niece was diagnosed with autism 2 years back. It has been a struggle for the child, the parents, grand parents and immediate family. Simple things like speaking, toileting , socializing, schooling have been a continuous struggle.

         When I left my job few months back I joined this organization working with autistic children. The few months I have spent there I have realized how difficult a life it is for all these kids and their parents. What is there future ? Are they considered a part of our society ? These are the same questions which every parent with a special child would keep thinking. Today when I see my sister spending sleepless nights thinking over her child's future. When I see that she is not the only one. There are many innocent kids and parents facing the same trauma. I would like to ask whether there is actually any God ?  All this pain and torture to innocent kids can only be the work of a heartless creator. Somehow I don't believe the law of Hindu karma. Why punish a person for deeds he is not aware of. I see many wicked and villainous people get away with fraud, robbery, murder, rape etc. Why not punish them.

I would rather believe there is no God rather than believe that that a creator can be so heartless and ruthless.